Tips for Co-Parenting During the Summer Holidays

Successful co-parenting is a challenge, but many men and women can successfully raise their children without unnecessary stress after divorce. The summer holidays present many difficulties, including shipping children back and forth when they are out of school. Below, our Aiken family law attorney provides some tips for parents because the summer months used to be a time for lazy afternoons at the swimming pool, but increasingly families have packed these months with activities. It's easy to get overwhelmed. If you don’t already have a custody order, we recommend you seek one immediately, even if you and your ex-spouse are on good terms. This protects your children's rights. Call us today. 

Divide the Summer Holidays 

The first necessary task is to determine who the children will spend the summer with. You probably created a parenting plan when you first divorced. This plan should have laid out in detail which parent will have the children on what days. 

For some couples, the children spend most of the summer with one parent. This is especially true if one parent moves far away and can’t see the children regularly during the school year. This parent gets the children for several months in the summer. For other couples, the children shuttle back and forth regularly during the summer months. 

You might want to revise your summer schedule, especially if several years have passed since you divorced. Many teens spend the summer participating in sports camps or band camps. Other children spend weeks in the summer traveling to visit different colleges to see if they want to apply. It’s a busy time as children age. 

Ideally, if you want to revise a parenting plan which is already in place, then you should work closely with the other parent. If you need help, then you can participate in mediation to work through disagreements. Call Surasky Law Firm if you need help negotiating with your ex. 

Discuss Costs with the Other Parent 

Suppose your child wants to participate in AAU basketball, which has three tournaments in the summer outside South Carolina. This type of participation could be expensive—costing several thousand dollars. You want to discuss how to divide the costs now, at the start of the summer. 

Some parenting plans already include a discussion of how extracurricular activity expenses will be divided. But other plans are silent on the issue. Regardless of what’s in the parenting plan, you should discuss expenses. 

You should also be upfront if you want the other parent to chip in—regardless of what your parenting plan says. When you reach an agreement on how to divide expenses, make sure to reduce your agreement to writing and sign it. 

Try to Keep Rules Consistent 

Ideally, children should not have dramatically different rules at each house regarding: 

• Bedtime. It’s not great if you demand the kids be in bed at 8:00 while your ex lets them stay up all night. 

• Meal times. Some families demand that everyone eat at the kitchen table. Your ex might think it’s great if your kids eat whenever in front of the TV. 

• Phone calls with friends. Are there hours where you want your child to not be on the phone? 

Rules do not have to be identical in each household, but it’s helpful not to have them diverge too much. 

Be Flexible about Handovers 

The other parent might decide to take the kids to the Grand Canyon for two weeks. These types of trips away from home don’t always go exactly as planned. Instead, some unforeseen circumstances can crop up, which means they might come back a few days late. 

Try to remain flexible and understanding, especially during the summer. It’s okay to expect emails or phone calls if the other parent isn’t going to be back when you expect.  But there’s no reason to immediately get upset. Remember, you will also benefit from this flexibility if you decide to take a trip and are back late. 

Introduce New Partners in a Sensitive Manner 

Have you started a new relationship since you last saw your children? If so, summer vacation might be when the children come out and meet your new boyfriend or girlfriend. This can be a tense experience, especially if your children are blindsided. 

We recommend easing children into a new relationship with your significant other: 

• Introduce them first, using social media, facetime, or phone calls. Let your children speak to your new partner so the trip out to your place isn’t the first time they talk. 

• Go slow. It could take the entire summer for your children to warm up to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don’t force things. 

• Don’t assume your children will become best friends with your partner’s children. These relationships can also take time to develop. 

And on this note: don’t badmouth your ex’s new partner. Your children might come back from Dad’s summer vacation and have negative stories to share about his new girlfriend. You shouldn’t encourage them to speak negatively of a new partner. 

Ask Your Children What They Want to Do 

Your summer will be more enjoyable if you ask the children what they want to do. Some parents skip this step. Unfortunately, parents overschedule during the summer, only to cause their children to become exhausted and resentful. 

You can start talking about summer plans as soon as winter. Ask the children if they want to go on a trip. Try to feel out if they are planning on participating in extracurricular activities. Start the discussion early so that you can adjust plans. 

Do Not Compete with Your Ex 

Did your ex pay for a trip to Europe? That’s wonderful. Realize that you don’t have to compete and pay for an expensive trip. Possibly, your ex is in better financial shape than you are. Parents who compete are also more likely to overschedule their children for the summer. 

Need More Co-Parenting Tips? Call Surasky Law to Discuss Any Custody Issue 

Millions of Americans are co-parenting successfully. It isn’t always easy. Some exes struggle for years to find a workable balance. 

Summer is a time for relaxing and reconnecting with your children. You should start thinking early about what kind of summer you want to have with your children. 

Call Surasky Law Firm to discuss any parenting or custody-related issue. We can help you renegotiate a parenting plan that works for you and your children. Our firm can also attend mediation with our clients if that is something you pursue. Contact us for a free consultation.